The other day I had lunch with a friend of mine. She told me that she was dating a guy for the wrong reasons. That puzzled me. As she was telling me the story, I understood what she meant.
They started dating and little by little Natalie realized that Michael was not the person she would really like to date. She told me she caught herself many times trying to change things about Michael. She did not think he was smart enough, educated enough, she did not like his table manners. She continued complaining about Michael for a long time. My question to Natalie was ‘Why do you stay together? To my surprise Natalie told me that she got used to Michael and did not want to be alone, with no boyfriend to lean on. From my point of view, that’s a totally wrong reason to date.
Often, instead of just leaving, we stay in the relationship. Sometimes we stay in the relationship because of the false sense of obligation towards the other person. But most of all we stay in the relationship for selfish reasons, it is very convenient for us to stay where we are and not to change anything, less troubles. Sounds familiar?
If this is the case, let me ask you a question: are you really happy in this relationship? Majority will answer ‘No’.
Can YOU Find True Love?
Staying in ‘just OK’ relationship is stopping both of you from finding true love. Do you do or say things outlined below? You may be stopping both of you from finding true happiness with someone that wants to be with them just as they are.
Do you constantly try to change things about the person you are with even though they are fine just the way they are?
- Do you constantly complain about the things the person you are seeing does?
- Do you actively plan for the day when you are no longer with the person?
That’s a definite ‘no-no’. People in happy relationships don’t plan for the time after the relationship ends. That’s not fair to either of you.
- Do you constantly complain about how the person you are with doesn’t understand or get who you are or what you need. Let’s face it: if this is the case, you don’t have meeting of the minds. That’s really a great experience when you can finish what the other person wants to say, when you know what he is thinking and can offer solutions to the problems he is fighting. Yes, it does happen. I had this type of relationship with my late husband. To tell you the truth, I think it happens very seldom. Any other thoughts on the subject?
- When the person you are seeing does something that you find distasteful, do you immediately think about how you should not be with them? When you are seeing someone that you don’t really want to be with, they are bound to do things that you don’t like. It could be something as simple as the way they eat spaghetti, the way they speak, how they brush their teeth, you get the idea.
Often, they aren’t even aware that you really don’t want to be in the relationship and it isn’t fair to stay when you know the truth about how you feel. Staying in the relationship is a cowardly move on your part and it stops yourself and the person you are with from finding true happiness.